Have you ever had a conversation with someone at work and walked away feeling defeated, even though you know you have the chops to see the job through?

Do you freeze in meetings for no clear reason, struggle to speak up, or have a hard time asking for a raise even though you have worked your ass off and know you deserve it?

Or do you struggle with balance because you are a high achiever, driven and capable, yet no matter how much you accomplish it still feels like it is not enough?

Surprise. Some of the most common underlying reasons have nothing to do with confidence, competence, or motivation. They are rooted in the nervous system, attachment trauma, and how your body learned to survive long before your career ever began.

This Is Not a Performance Problem

When high achievers struggle at work, the assumption is often that something needs to be fixed at the mindset level. Think differently. Be more confident. Push harder.

But freezing in meetings, people-pleasing authority figures, overworking to exhaustion, avoiding conflict, or feeling chronically on edge are not character flaws. They are nervous system responses.

Your body is responding to perceived threat, not present-day reality.

Attachment Trauma and the Workplace

Attachment patterns do not stay at home. They show up at work, in leadership, and in how you relate to authority, peers, money, and power.

Attachment trauma forms early, often in childhood, when emotional safety or emotional security was inconsistent or absent. The nervous system adapts by developing survival strategies.

In adulthood and in career settings, attachment trauma can look like:

• Freezing or going blank in meetings

• Over-preparing or overworking to avoid criticism

• Difficulty asking for raises, promotions, or recognition

• Fear of disappointing authority figures

• Hyper-independence or people-pleasing

These patterns are not conscious choices. They are automatic nervous system responses.

Polyvagal Theory and Career Stress

Polyvagal theory helps explain why capable adults can feel calm one moment and shut down the next.

According to polyvagal theory, the nervous system constantly scans for cues of safety or threat. In the workplace, tone of voice, hierarchy, feedback, or perceived judgment can activate survival states.

• Fight may show up as defensiveness or conflict

• Flight can look like avoidance, overworking, or staying busy

• Freeze often appears as shutdown, dissociation, or blanking out especially when you need to speak up

• Fawn shows up as coworker-pleasing or soft leadership, allowing others to sometimes take advantage of your ‘kindness’.

When your nervous system is stuck cycling through these states, performance suffers no matter how capable you are.